There are moments, situations, and circumstances we all find ourselves in, be it at work, with our partners, or with family, where all too often, our emotions want to come screaming out of us like a freight train.
Like the classic misdirect in any Hollywood comedy, where the employee or son-in-law finally gives in to their temptation and let’s rip at their opposite number, only for it to be a daydream. Unfortunately, we are not in a daydream and can’t hit that do-over button we all wish for.
More often, (probably closer to 99.999976% of the time), those emotions do us far more harm than anything else ever could. Like the devil in our childhood cartoons urging and seducing us into temptation, these emotions are that temptation. And, if we give in, we find ourselves all too easily in a world of far greater discomfort.
There is an underlying trigger in all these interactions. Engaging our emotional core, superseding our maturity and devolving us towards our childlike responses. The list is endless, be it with work, between a passive-aggressive client email or work colleague, or perhaps at a family gathering between your siblings, parent, step-family, grandparent or extended family.
As great as the pull may be to let rip, showing these emotions is the worst thing to do. If you can, do not visibly or verbally indicate these powerful emotions. These emotions do not drive our interests; we need to act in a capacity that best serves us skill-fully.
Pushing aside those feelings to ourselves for later, at that moment, squashing them deep down without a shred of proof they were even there. That’s all well and good saying/acknowledging, but how?
Few Tips and Tricks:
– Remember, there is a place and time for all emotions and feelings. Now might not be it.
– Learn your triggers. If you feel one being pushed ever so slightly, you have a head start to set and catch yourself mentally.
– When you feel a trigger, most of the time, your adrenaline will start pumping into a flight or fight state. Take a deep breath, and breathe slowly. This will help re-centre you.
– If you know you could be entering a potential type of situation or environment, take the time to prepare yourself mentally. Knowing could very well be tested. Knowing this will lessen any surprise interaction as you have pre-position yourself.
– Like an exam, interview, sports game, recital, or performance, pump yourself up mentally—confidence and assurance in yourself and your actions.
– Have firm boundaries with yourself, i.e. topics and points you will not engage on.
– Feel confident in yourself and the ability to remove yourself from or disengage in topics or conversations you feel will be over your line.
– At the same time, be flexible and do not shut down all points that could be difficult, as this can also be seen as aggressive or emotionally compromising. Know what you will and won’t engage on.
