And no, we don’t mean a poorly lit D*ck pic from that Hinge date…pretty sure some people immediately cringed out on this topic. The idea of it and the type of interaction it is…”you know, I’d rather things be an ‘in person'” or people don’t know where and how to start. All those things may be true, but that doesn’t mean you cannot be open to the idea.
To debunk any stigmas about ‘sexting’, there is no right and wrong; it can and should be whatever you want it to be. The purpose is to engage your partner. This comes from one of two directions; your wants, which you are expressing, or engaging your partner’s in theirs and feeding into them.
This isn’t extreme erotica or dirty talk!
Sexting is about teasing your partner. It can be romantic, sweet, sensual and tantalising. It is those things because this is a connection which is playing on the small details only you & your partner are aware of and share between yourselves.
You will quickly and plainly gauge the response from your partner. If the reciprocation isn’t being played into, usually a reason why is given quite clearly and swiftly, so do NOT overthink. It is life, and there is so much going on; sometimes, the timing doesn’t work out, but that is okayyy. It is the attempt, and the intentions behind it will not be lost. At the same time, if pushback is given, you must also register the timing boundary and acknowledge their needs. This should flow naturally; do not force a situation if you feel disengaged. Whilst being respectful, you must take in your partners ‘consent’ through their engagement or possible lack of it.
No one wants to be bombarded, regardless of the type of message.
If your partner can’t respond & engage at the time or see and say they can’t play along, the anticipation in their mind, the wanting, the build-up will be a quiet knocking in the back of their mind. More often than not, the appreciation of the attempt will swing back around at another moment.
As we have discussed, ‘sexting’ is whatever we decide to make it. What does that actually mean?
Feel into your partner’s head, most often sexting comes as a surprise, bringing excitement, especially at random moments. Feel into their energy, explore the reaction, and enjoy the anticipation you both feel through the connection. This is also a chance to lead the conversation, take control and direct the course of the interaction, the speed, the depth, the details, the intimacy, the exploration. It is all for you to decide.
This could be reliving moments, particular connection points, or more exploratory where there is limited awkwardness bringing up something you might want to try or explore, fantasies and sexual preferences you want to integrate.
Just remember you are in control of this, in how you want to engage with it. There is no right and wrong. It doesn’t need to be raunchy or lovely dovey, and there is no playbook for everyone. Listen to your feelings and what you might want to do & see your partner’s reaction when you start slowly expressing them – their energy.
